...continued

I think a timeline would be good here...

Friday, Sept 30~ 34th Birthday

Sunday, October 2~ Yoga Birthday Party at the studio

I stop at my Aunt Laurie's before the party to pick her up & grab all the goods for my sweaty shindig.

Michael, my uncle, has the rest of the crew loaded up in the mini-van destined for church. Gramma included! As she was waiting, I went outside to see her. I gave her a hug & as I did she said, "Get in here, let's go!" It was a quick moment of shame--who wants to tell their Gramma they aren't going to church with her...?...not me...but I did. She didn't judge. If she had, I would have known. She pretty much always said how she felt.

...which reminds me of a piece of advice Laurie had gifted me this summer..."You need a little more "Doris" in you!"

...for those that are sensitive (myself included), my Gramma's truth was not guaranteed to leave you feeling like you've received a pat on the back...she didn't tell you what you wanted to hear~she told you HER truth. Everytime I would respond with how I felt, my truth--she would always pause...taking a moment to respectfully consider it from my perspective. ...which led to some of the best & most cherished conversations I've ever had with another human being. No presence of debate or cries of trying to be understood. Just simple understanding...from both of us.

So, yes...I agree~I need a little more "Doris" in me. : )

I think we all do.

And NOW is right on time.

It only seems right to start out this post with a gift given to me by another...

"YOUR JOURNEY HAS MOLDED YOU FOR YOUR GREATER GOOD, AND IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT IT NEEDED TO BE. DON'T THINK THAT YOU'VE LOST TIME. IT TOOK EACH AND EVERY SITUATION YOU HAVE ENCOUNTERED TO BRING YOU TO THE NOW. AND NOW IS RIGHT ON TIME." ~ASHA TYSON
(Thank you Lindsay <3)

It's been several months now since my Gramma passed away. The entire experience has left me enlightened, comforted, at peace, & in awe.

The last several months have been a journey. It will take me a few posts to bring you to the now. Let's begin...

I moved out of my apartment mid-Sept & into my grandparents house in Hudsonville. At the time, I was depressed as all get out. I truly felt like I had bought into chasing a "dangling carrot"...trying to live beyond status quo. I hadn't planned that for myself. In fact, that is exactly what I didn't want...but somehow I kept feeding into it unknowingly.

I knew I had to get out of my apartment...it was feeling more like a trap than a space to lay my head at night & sleep peacefully. I loved the area where I was living, but after looking at a few different locations I couldn't bear the thought of not having a garage...that seems really silly now...but at the time, it was one of few wishes on my list of important items I wanted for this new place I was going to call home.

I took an impromptu day off to look at places. As I drove away from one peticular apartment complex that completely creeped me out & brought out the internal voice that screamed "Get out of here!"...another voice popped in & said "What about Gramma's?"

No one had lived in the house for years (with the exception of my cousin for a few months.) So I called my dad & asked what he thought. He said it would be good--he'd run it by a couple of family members, but just to plan on it.

My shoulders sunk down...finally...relief!

That weekend, I drove over there to simply go inside & get a feel for it being the right place for me. It was. I couldn't help but feel honored to have the opportunity to cook in the kitchen that my Gramma had cooked in, wake up & have coffee in the sun room that my grandparents both enjoyed together, & above all--to be in a home that was filled with so much love--after years of vacancy...I could still feel it.

Perfect

I love this song by Pink. I hadn't really internalized her words until recently. I thought the audience was angled solely to others in her life--but I now get that the intended audience is herself...& then to share the experience with others.

I love the person that I am. ...emotionally, physically, & spiritually. Where I need to give more love to me is patience & acceptance when I try on something new...

...which is constant.

We are perfect in God's eyes.

I pray that we are all able to see ourselves & others through His eyes. I can only imagine how beautiful that would be.

So yes, sharing my experience with others is exactly why I'm launching this blog...launching it like a firework...

The experience though my eyes... No rules, no apologies, just me.

Boom! <3